As much work as I’ve done on myself and my ability to communicate with integrity, I still goof sometimes.

I did it with a dear friend the other day. I said something that really hurt her. I actually used a word I’ve never used in that context before. It was extreme hyperbole, and totally inappropriate.

I was stunned that it came out of my mouth, and BOY was I ashamed.

And irony of ironies – we were having a meeting about a retreat we’re doing on difficult communication.

I remembered the old tale where an uncivil little girl is cursed by a fairy to have toads & snakes come out of her mouth, while her civil and kind sister is given the gift of flowers and jewels.

We sat there, looking at the toad I had spoken, sitting in the middle of the room. I was squirming inside. My friend is a very accomplished communicator herself, and we worked it out pretty quickly.

But my shame didn’t go away for more than an hour.

This became an occasion for me to celebrate the fact that I was conscious enough to see and hear the toad, and was able to begin the process of making things right immediately.

I’m also celebrating that I’ve gotten much better at dealing with shame. I used to do all kinds of things to run away from it. I recognized it. I sat with it. I gave myself some love. I let it run through me. And I did my best to heal the hurt I caused my friend.

{Actually, I think real toads are great. We just usually think they’re ugly…}

So, when you drop one out of your mouth,
be conscious of its affect
allow the shame to run without shutting you down
access your heart and breathe into your belly
apologize right away
give yourself some love.

We’re still human, after all.

Blessings