Ariana Newcomer

Healing the soul's voice

Hold Your Tongue!

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How many times have you been told to “hold your tongue” or “bite your tongue”?

How many times have you “swallowed your tongue” or “held your tongue” when there was something you really wanted to say, but couldn’t (or didn’t think you should)?

These are common phrases we use to stop ourselves or someone else from talking, or from saying something in particular. They’re ways we hold our voices back.

You need to know 2 things:

1. Holding, biting or swallowing your tongue are not just metaphors for not speaking. They actually cause physical tension in your tongue, which can really mess with your voice.

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Speaking For Change

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IMG_1107_smI had a great time at FEM Talks in Novato last Saturday, where I gave a talk on “Speaking for Change.”

This is an important topic for those of us who are working to create positive change. How do we actually use our voices to Speak for Change?

Here are some of the highlights of my talk. (This all applies to your marketing, too, by the way.)

We actually have to speak to successfully influence and motivate people to take action of some kind. That requires getting out of the “having to be nice” and “not wanting to dominate anyone” modes of thinking.

We have to speak powerfully and with passion. Holding back isn’t going to cut it – with words and with our voices. We must generate emotion in our listeners.Continue Reading

Are You Authentic?

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areyouauthenticIt’s mid-July. Wow! How did that happen? Wasn’t it just January??
Time to reflect on our goals for the year, see how far we’ve gotten (or not gotten), and refresh and re-focus ourselves to make the fullest, best use of the rest of the year!

Here’s a tip to open things up for your year. Open up to speaking in your authentic voice.

I’m all about authentic voice. I work with clients to open up their full range of self-expression, and their ability to speak in their authentic voice.

Often, when I ask a client to try a new level of expression, or a new way of speaking, they get uncomfortable, and say it doesn’t feel authentic.

This issue came up again with a client just the other day. I was coaching her to use more expression, and she said “That doesn’t feel like me.”

So, what does it really mean to be authentic? What does it mean to speak in your authentic voice? Continue Reading

What Do YOU Want To Say?

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Our need to “self express” is deeply human. It is a key to our creativity and having a life that has meaning.

It’s also key to both our spiritual growth and our worldly contribution.

Your voice is your primary instrument of self expression, yet you normally take it for granted.

So much of our culture conspires against your full self expression – cultural expectations of women (and men), the things you were told as a child, traumatic events that caused you to shut down, your own perceptions of how you’re “supposed” to sound.

I call these “voice stories” – unconscious decisions you’ve made about how to sound (or NOT to sound), and about how you can speak, that cause you to hold your voice back.

I’m on a mission to bring back your full self expression, and I’ve discovered that opening up your voice is an overlooked, underutilized way to do it.

When Connie came to work with me, she had a very small, quiet voice. We met in Zumba class, and she would always stand in the back. She never smiled. If she came in late, we never noticed her coming in.

She felt that people didn’t listen to her, and told me that people would often talk over her.

Now, she was not a tiny woman, nor was she any kind of dummy. She was a CFO in between jobs.Continue Reading

The Secret To Following Your Calling

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Shhhh. It’s a secret.

Want to follow your calling? Embody your voice.

You know you want to succeed doing your heart’s work and making a difference in the world. That thing – a calling – you’ve got it. It whispers your name in the night, tugs at your soul, and tells you to do things you’re scared to do. So you resist.

But there it is again the next night, next day, next week. Still, you resist.

You know that if you don’t follow that calling, you’ll regret it. You already regret the time you’ve spent serving other people’s dreams (except your kids’ dreams – you love serving your kids’ dreams).

You take a few steps into it. It’s scary, and different, and hard. You back off.

I can’t, you say. I don’t know enough. I’m not good enough. I don’t have enough credentials and certifications. Who am I to think I can _______ ? (Fill in the blank with your calling.)

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How To Handle Sales Rejection With Grace

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by Ariana Newcomer

Have you ever gone into a sales conversation with a prospective client DREADING the whole thing? I have.

The fear of rejection is a powerful one, and it is what stops most women entrepreneurs from getting more clients.

Rejection can trigger deep, core emotions, and even make us feel our survival is in question. We learned to avoid situations that could cause us to feel threatened this way – to protect our tender, inner selves.

As entrepreneurs, however, we have to grow past these self-imposed limitations. I’ve written before about “Business As A Transformational Journey.” Getting past and transforming our fear of rejection in sales conversations is crucial to our success.

We need to let go of what one of my mentors calls “spiritual stubbornness,” too. For spirit-driven entrepreneurs, fear of rejection mingles with the story that money shouldn’t even be part of what we do, which can cause almost total paralysis, along with big time resentment and the pain of not succeeding in our deep purpose.

I can’t tell you how many times I hear these stories from my clients: “I shouldn’t charge for what I do because it’s my calling,” or “my gift” or “I should just be giving this away if I’m really spiritual.”

As we shift into embracing money as part of our spiritual path, along with using the strategies I’m going to give you today, we open up wonderful possibilities for ourselves – not just in our businesses, but in all our relationships, and in our spiritual dimension as well.

Growing in this specific area helps us let go of old patterns of self doubt and feeling unworthy that we definitely don’t need to carry around anymore!

Would you like to handle sales rejection with grace?

Great! I’ve got 3 strategies for you to step into your power in sales conversations when you feel threatened by rejection.Continue Reading