Ariana Newcomer

Healing the soul's voice

Power over? Or power with?

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power over? or power with?

Power.

Does the word make you uncomfortable?

Conscious people who’ve done a lot of work on themselves are often uncomfortable with the idea of wielding power. The word has a negative connotation for us – of force, domination, control…

But – as change agents, we have to get comfortable with power. We have to be able to handle power, leadership and influence. However, to create the change we want, we need a different KIND of power – power WITH instead of power OVER.

This is another piece of the new project I’m working on – upgrading the 3rd chakra to handle power in partnership – power WITH, instead of in the old dominator model – power OVER.

I’m really excited about this project, and how it’s coming together. It’s going to be a wonderful new tool for Healing Your Soul’s Voice, which means being able to speak from the Partnership model of power (among other things).Continue Reading

Are You In Partnership With Yourself?

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Are You In Partnership With Yourself?I’m passionate about creating true partnership between men and women, so we can all be in partnership with our planet to create a world we can all thrive in.

So, I’m taking a course based on Riane Eisler’s book, “The Power of Partnership.” I’ve been blessed to work with her directly in the past, and she is an amazing woman who has been inspiring me since the 80s.

Our first module is about our partnership with SELF – which is the place we have to start. We can’t create true partnership with others until we become a true partner with ourSELF.

For me, this means accepting ALL of me – even the parts that seem pretty dark or that look like they’re still sabotaging me in spite of all my years of personal growth work.

One issue that’s coming up again is the masculine vs. feminine within myself, and in our culture. I’ve found a more integrated way of looking at them in Riane’s work.

There are a lot of authors and coaches now working with “feminine principles,” “feminine power,” “feminine leadership models,” and “feminine” _______ (fill in the blank with your favorite). They encourage women to tune in to their “feminine” instead of their  “masculine,” which has been causing them to push too hard, to burn out, to operate from a way of being that isn’t natural.

Let me be clear – I’m FOR the resurgence of the feminine. We need to bring the traditionally-considered-as-female qualities — caring, nurturing, collaboration, deep listening, going with the flow, doing without forcing, etc. — into businesses, our lives, and our culture. We also need to raise women up to true equal (partnership) status with men.Continue Reading

Hold Your Tongue!

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How many times have you been told to “hold your tongue” or “bite your tongue”?

How many times have you “swallowed your tongue” or “held your tongue” when there was something you really wanted to say, but couldn’t (or didn’t think you should)?

These are common phrases we use to stop ourselves or someone else from talking, or from saying something in particular. They’re ways we hold our voices back.

You need to know 2 things:

1. Holding, biting or swallowing your tongue are not just metaphors for not speaking. They actually cause physical tension in your tongue, which can really mess with your voice.

Continue Reading

No, no, no!!

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no

Do you struggle sometimes to say that little word, “no?”

Yep. Me, too.

I led exercises in how to say NO at the FEM Talks event, “How To Set Nourishing Boundaries and Say No With An Open Heart”.

I asked the women when it was hard for them to say no. Some of the things they said were:Continue Reading

Becoming Fearless (Or Not)

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I was in a coaching program for a while with “Fearless” in the title. I learned a lot, but I didn’t become fearless.

Lots of people out there want to teach you how to become Fearless!! – to banish fear, to get rid of it, to stop it – because fear is BAD. Fear is negative, and we can’t have any negativity in our lives if we want to succeed. Or so the story goes.

The truth is, it’s not actually a good thing to get rid of fear.

There are 3 pieces of this.

One: Fear is actually a very valuable thing that tells us something is wrong, or could go badly wrong. Sometimes it is necessary to survival. That fear you feel when you’re thinking about whether to get into an elevator with a shifty-eyed, bad-energy-pouring-off-him guy is a good thing. It says, “Danger! Don’t go in there!”

Two: Making the automatic judgment that fear is negative usually misses the point.Continue Reading

Zip It

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zipitbannerby Ariana Newcomer

I’m an advocate for speaking up, speaking out, and being authentic.

That doesn’t mean I think you should spill whatever you’re thinking all the time, or that you should dump your feelings all over others indiscriminately.

To succeed in being truly heard and understood when you speak out, there are definitely times to zip your lip. Button it. Hit pause. Step away from the keyboard. Just don’t say anything.

I’m not talking about suppressing yourself, swallowing insults, silencing yourself forever. Nor am I talking about ignoring things. I’m talking about taking some time to pause, breathe, think.

It’s a temporary ZIP IT so you can succeed in truly communicating.

Instead of responding immediately to a flaming email, urgent phone call, or upsetting remark with your own flaming arrow, WAIT. Those flaming responses can end up costing a lot of time, and creating confusion and resentment. They don’t create true communication (they actually put barriers in the way of true communication). After them, you have to repair relationships, apologize. You often have to back-track, and clarify what you really meant to say.

Also, when we give those flaming or sarcastic responses, we’re automatically creating the same kind of response in the other person that they just created in us – irritation, frustration, anger and resistance – which equals NO COMMUNICATION.

No matter what awful thing somebody says, we have the opportunity to choose how we’re going to respond to it. That opportunity comes during the ZIP – the pause to breathe and think.Continue Reading