Ariana Newcomer

Healing the soul's voice

3 Secrets Of Highly Effective Coaching

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by Ariana Newcomer

Do you challenge your clients to step outside their comfort zone so they can grow?

Do you ask them to do things that you know are scary for them? Do you request that they get things done in a really short amount of time? Or straight-out tell them that a story they’re telling themselves is keeping them stuck?

Actions like these challenge your clients to step into their growing edge, move past their fear, and surprise themselves with what they can actually accomplish.

As coaches, these actions challenge US to stop being so nice, playing it safe, and worrying about what our clients think about us (common issues for women that hold us back in business).

If we’re not challenging our clients this way, we’re at risk of losing them. We’ll  have a hard time charging and getting higher fees. But most importantly, we’re actually failing our clients. They hire us to help them create transformation. Transformation doesn’t happen when we’re comfortable.

So, how do you challenge a client to be more and do more than they thought they could, without feeling like a bully?Continue Reading

Sorry! Do Women Need To Stop Saying It?

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by Ariana Newcomer

We say it all the time.

A lot of the times we say “sorry,” it’s just a reflex, and not really needed. Sometimes it’s actually appropriate.

Do you know the difference?

I have a colleague who says it all the time, even when she’s doing what she’s supposed to be doing! She says it’s a thing the English do, and perhaps they do it more than Americans, but frankly, it’s a thing many WOMEN do all the time. How many times a day do you say “sorry?”

We grew up with our mothers saying it. We learned to be NICE and to please others. Part of being nice was learning to apologize all the time – for anything that made others uncomfortable, or might possibly make someone uncomfortable. We learned to take care of others first, and to apologize for taking care of ourselves.

We also tend to “talk down” or deprecate ourselves, rather than acknowledge our successes, to make others feel more comfortable. When someone compliments our dress, we say “Oh, this old thing?” or “Oh, yours is so much nicer.” When someone congratulates us, we say “I couldn’t have done it without help.”

Some self-deprecation, especially done with humor, DOES help make others feel comfortable, and can help us connect. But we can overdo it to the point where it becomes self-sabotaging.Continue Reading

Making Money Wrong

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I’ve done my share of it. Spirit-driven and service-oriented women are especially likely to make money wrong.

We have stories we grew up with, that came from religions, that we absorbed from our culture. Money is the root of all evil. It’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven. Rich people are selfish and greedy. Caring about money makes me a bad person. I can’t be a spiritual person and be wealthy.

Here’s one of mine I uncovered last year: If I make a lot of money, I’ll no longer be an artist. (This is of a piece with the mentality that if I go for lots of money as an artist, I’m “selling out.”) That was really holding me back!

There are plenty more of them, too. Some people believe that we need to get rid of money entirely and have a “gift economy” where people give and receive freely, sharing and taking care of each other.

If you’re making money wrong, you won’t allow yourself to get much of it, which means you won’t be working with (serving) many people. Your impact in the world will be small.

What is money, really? It’s a medium of exchange. The coins and pieces of paper don’t have any value in and of themselves. They have value because we say they do, and because everyone agrees. We give it in exchange for things and services.

Money makes it easier for us than if we had to exchange actual stuff for everything. This is the barter or trade system. It works well if you want chickens and your client wants to trade you her chickens for your services. It breaks down when you don’t want chickens and that’s all she has to barter with. (You also don’t want to have to take her chickens, then trade them for something else you really do want, because you have no place to keep chickens in the meantime.)

If you got chickens for your services, would the chickens then be “the root of all evil?” Of course not.

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Perspective is Everything

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Perhaps the most important lesson I’ve learned in my personal growth journey (and my transformational business journey) is that perspective is everything.

There’s what happens to me, and there’s my perspective (my story) about what happens, and the two are not the same. I don’t always get to choose what happens, but I get to choose my perspective.

I’ve had to learn this profound lesson over and over. When I forget to check in about my perspective, I can get into some deep doo-doo. When I remember to ask, “Is this perspective useful to me or not,” I have the option to choose. If the perspective is not useful (would make things worse, keep things stuck, or make me or someone else miserable), I’ve learned to shift my story about what happened.Continue Reading

Your Voice In The World

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We’ve just recently celebrated one of our country’s most extraordinary leaders, Martin Luther King, Jr. I’m proud to say that my Dad was on the famous march with MLK from Selma to Montgomery. He and several others went from our town in Connecticut to be part of one of the seminal events of their time.

My Dad was a minister and a charismatic, compelling speaker. My Mom worked for change by supporting my Dad, and by also being a passionate voice for change with us kids, her students, friends and her communities.

One of my parents’ gifts to me was this legacy of passionate engagement, of speaking up and speaking out for change. It’s natural to me to be a voice for change. That’s what I grew up with. When I got older, I was involved in protests against the Vietnam war.

I’m now speaking out for change in the way we run our world. I speak for true partnership between men and women, rather than domination of one over the other (traditionally male over female). I speak out for change in our economy so we can have a planet we can continue to live on.Continue Reading

Business As a Transformational Journey

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Being in business for yourself is not for the faint of heart. Those people who try to sell you the “easy way” to 6 or 7 figures are just flat out dishonest.

Of course, we are really attracted by that language. We all want, wish, hope, that it’s going to be easy and fun. As human beings, we love magical thinking! The truth is, it takes guts, persistence, courage, and a large dose of ongoing personal growth to make it as an entrepreneur, especially if you’re creating a transformational business. And, ultimately, that’s good news. (And some if it IS easy and fun.)

You try things. Some work, and some just fail. Most don’t work the way you planned. You have days of delight, excitement, feeling on purpose, feeling on fire. You have days when you don’t want to get out of bed.

On the road to success lie a lot of potholes. Some of them are large enough to drive a truck into. I know because I’ve been in them.Continue Reading