I usually talk about how important it is for us to speak up and speak out for ourselves (especially women) and for change. We usually don’t speak up enough in many areas of our lives. Of course, speaking up at the appropriate time is critical, and HOW we say things is even more essential.

I just learned something new about how to speak about gender bias. It’s an issue I address with my clients – always – because it is so often operating unconsciously for all of us, men and women alike. It affects how we listen to each other, how we speak, how we behave toward each other, and how successful we are.

I talk about creating a paradigm shift in our culture into true partnership between men and women, about speaking up and speaking out for ourselves and for partnership, about claiming our place beside men (no longer slightly below them). I support my clients in creating highly successful, deeply fulfilling businesses as women entrepreneurs and change agents – as part of this new paradigm. Being able to speak with power and confidence is crucial to your success. Shifting the gender bias is a central part of creating the new economy.

Women entrepreneurs can be affected by this bias in many ways:

• we hold back and are reluctant to speak up in meetings
• having a hard time being taken seriously
• being judged as “bitchy” or “aggressive” when we speak strongly
• judging other women as “bitchy” or “aggressive” when they speak strongly
• charging less than our work is really worth
• choking when it comes to stating our fees
• not negotiating for a higher salary or fee
• constantly over-delivering and under-charging
• believing that “my voice doesn’t matter”
• being overlooked for leadership positions
• holding ourselves back from taking leadership roles
• not taking full credit for our accomplishments
• not being given full credit for our accomplishments

and more.

I teach my women clients to recognize these issues, to speak up and speak out from their authentic selves, and to call out the bias when they experience it, both from others, and within themselves.

Here’s the new piece: it turns out that HOW you speak about gender bias can either help reduce it, or it can actually backfire!

A recent article in The New York Times by Adam Grant and Sheryl Sandberg illuminated this. Studies have shown that how we talk about stereotyping and bias is crucial. If you just say that it is common, that tends to actually reinforce people’s bias. Why?  Because it gives them the idea that, because it is common, it is socially acceptable. (Oh, LOTS of people think this way, therefore it’s perfectly okay for me to have this bias or stereotype.)

To make a change in someone’s behavior regarding gender bias, you have to ALSO say that this is something you and many others disapprove of that needs to change. When we include statements like these, that reinforce that reducing gender bias is more socially acceptable than keeping it, men respond more positively to women in the workplace, women seek more opportunities, and more women get hired at higher salaries.

The great news is, when gender bias is reduced, everyone wins. Pointing this out is another important piece in having conversations that create change.

From the NYT article: “When more women lead, performance improves. Start-ups led by women are more likely to succeed. Innovative firms with more women in top management are more profitable, and companies with more gender diversity have more revenue, customers, market share and profits. …when it comes to leadership skills, although men are more confident, women are more competent.” Read the full article here.

There is also evidence that countries with the greatest gender equality and family-friendly policies have the most highly performing economies. You can read more about that in Riane Eisler’s book, “The Real Wealth of Nations – Creating A Caring Economics,” hailed by Archbishop Desmond Tutu as “a template for the better world we have been so urgently seeking,”

So, my dear ones, it’s not enough to just talk about the stereotypes and biases. In order to create the cultural shifts we need, we have to say we disapprove of the biases, that we want them to change. That may feel uncomfortable, but if you don’t do it, you risk simply reinforcing someone’s feeling that it is acceptable to have those stereotypes.

Often, when we feel uncomfortable talking about something, our tone of voice reveals that. We can sound defensive, come across as too aggressive (usually because we’ve held it back for too long), sound judgmental, angry, or just sound uncomfortable. All those tones of voice tend to push our listeners away, and make us less effective communicators.

Awareness comes first. Then comes understanding. With the understanding comes the need to speak up and speak out. Then comes the work to speak in a way that others can truly hear and understand, that respects others, yet strongly and powerfully calls for change.

In talking about gender bias, it’s crucial to be clear. We want this bias to disappear. Speak from a place of grounded confidence in your value and the value of change. State clearly that you believe we need to overcome these biases. Invite your listeners to join you by saying, “I’m sure you do, too.”

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What are your thoughts on todays article? Did you have any a-ha moments? I’d love it if you’d share them with me in the comments section below.

Ways I can support your further:
Would you like to learn how to turn your Speaking Into Dollars?! If you answered yes, I have a free gift for you. It’s my Authentic Voice Assessment! It’s a wonderful tool that will help illuminate your gifts and unique challenges so you can turn your speaking into six figure success!

Click here to receive my free gift!

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