Will You Support Women Speaking Powerfully?

September 24, 2015 by admin

In our journey to create a better world, one of the crucial things we need to do is support powerful women speaking powerfully.

ALL of us.

We have what I call a “cultural voice story” – that women’s voices are less important than men’s. There’s another one I’ve just realized we have – that women have to compete (and compete hard) with each other for the attention of men.

Men can be very dismissive of women’s voices. Another story – we don’t need to pay attention to what women say. I worked with a woman pilot, whose male co-pilots didn’t pay any attention to her voice over their headphones unless she dropped her pitch to sound more like a guy. In her normal speaking voice, they completely tuned her out. It was as if she hadn’t even spoken. When she sounded more like a guy, their brains paid attention.

Voice stories can be insidious, because they are largely UNCONSCIOUS. You don’t even know you have them.

So men, please be aware of these cultural voice stories, and stop buying into them. Notice if you’re tuning women out, and make a choice to tune them back in.

And women, we can be even more critical of other women than the guys are. Men may tune us out, but we often actively tear each other down.

I may have been lucky with women – I’ve been knocked down more often by men than by other women. But I have female friends who have been really savaged by other women.

Should I Just STFU?? Part 2

September 16, 2015 by admin

Last week, I wrote about why you can’t claim your habits of speech are “feminine speech,” and critics of your voice should just STFU.

My experience in coaching hundreds of women to shift their old voice stories and their disempowering habits of speech, and watching their whole lives open up afterward (businesses taking off, relationships healed, creativity unblocked, money flowing, confidence soaring) shows me how vital it is that you NOT accept this stupid idea.

If you haven’t read last week’s article, read it HERE, otherwise this won’t make as much sense to you.

So what are disempowering and/or injurious habits of speech? Why are they disempowering rather than just “feminine?”

First, some info about our brains. Hearing is the act of collecting sound. Listening is what the brain does with what it hears, and that involves lots of complex functions in the brain called “auditory processing.” If you want to be truly heard and understood, you have to give people’s brains the opportunity to do all this auditory processing in a way that results in actual listening, not just hearing.

Actual listening results in communication, more often than not. Hearing does not guarantee listening. Speaking to create communication is a skill most of us need to get better at.

Disempowering and potentially injurious habits of speech actually IMPEDE communication. Here’s how:
Continue Reading

Should I Just STFU??

September 10, 2015 by admin

I’ve seen a lot of articles recently on women’s speech. Some of them address ways of speaking that are disempowering, weaken leadership, or are self-sabotaging, and the authors encourage women to speak more directly and powerfully.

Others point out that women’s voices get criticized MUCH more than men’s. You can find gazillions of articles recommending that women change their speech patterns, and almost none that do the same for men. And if you are a woman who is broadcasting or podcasting, you can be criticized for the same kind of speech by different people in opposite ways.

In other words, we can’t win. Fair point.

One woman claimed that ANY criticism of her “uptalk” speech habit was just misogynistic, because uptalk is “feminine speech.” (Uptalk is the habit of raising the pitch at the end of every statement as if it were a question.) Another author agreed, and basically said women should speak however they want and everyone should just STFU.

I hear you. It’s true that women’s voices are criticized when and where men’s would not be, and are often criticized unjustly. So, am I a woman-hater because I work to change self-sabotaging habits of speech and empower women to speak with power and confidence? Should I just STFU?

Not on your life. Dear ones, here’s one thing I know: There is no such thing as “feminine speech.” Continue Reading

Are You Suffering From A Support Deficiency?

June 17, 2015 by admin

by Ariana Newcomer

Are you longing to become the woman you know in your bones you were born to be, yet feeling stuck? Are you struggling to create the life you most yearn for?

You may be suffering from a “support deficiency,” like my big dog, Pele, trying to sleep in the cat’s bed…

Think about an area of your life you are most wanting to manifest in, and answer these questions:

What are the current obstacles and challenges you’re facing?
How many other people in your life actually know about your deep desires in this area, and are supporting you in your vision?
How many people are supporting you to overcome the struggles and challenges in your way?
What resources have you accessed to help you achieve a breakthrough?

For many women, the answer to these questions is NOT MANY.

Women can have a great deal of trouble asking for and receiving support, not to mention actually investing in themselves by paying for support and mentoring.

I certainly did! I started making real breakthroughs when I started taking support seriously enough to invest in coaches and mentors.