Ariana Newcomer

Healing the soul's voice

Should I Just STFU?? Part 2

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STFUBlogBannerPart2 Last week, I wrote about why you can’t claim your habits of speech are “feminine speech,” and critics of your voice should just STFU.

My experience in coaching hundreds of women to shift their old voice stories and their disempowering habits of speech, and watching their whole lives open up afterward (businesses taking off, relationships healed, creativity unblocked, money flowing, confidence soaring) shows me how vital it is that you NOT accept this stupid idea.

If you haven’t read last week’s article, read it HERE, otherwise this won’t make as much sense to you.

So what are disempowering and/or injurious habits of speech? Why are they disempowering rather than just “feminine?”

First, some info about our brains. Hearing is the act of collecting sound. Listening is what the brain does with what it hears, and that involves lots of complex functions in the brain called “auditory processing.” If you want to be truly heard and understood, you have to give people’s brains the opportunity to do all this auditory processing in a way that results in actual listening, not just hearing.

Actual listening results in communication, more often than not. Hearing does not guarantee listening. Speaking to create communication is a skill most of us need to get better at.

Disempowering and potentially injurious habits of speech actually IMPEDE communication. Here’s how:
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Making Money Wrong

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I’ve done my share of it. Spirit-driven and service-oriented women are especially likely to make money wrong.

We have stories we grew up with, that came from religions, that we absorbed from our culture. Money is the root of all evil. It’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven. Rich people are selfish and greedy. Caring about money makes me a bad person. I can’t be a spiritual person and be wealthy.

Here’s one of mine I uncovered last year: If I make a lot of money, I’ll no longer be an artist. (This is of a piece with the mentality that if I go for lots of money as an artist, I’m “selling out.”) That was really holding me back!

There are plenty more of them, too. Some people believe that we need to get rid of money entirely and have a “gift economy” where people give and receive freely, sharing and taking care of each other.

If you’re making money wrong, you won’t allow yourself to get much of it, which means you won’t be working with (serving) many people. Your impact in the world will be small.

What is money, really? It’s a medium of exchange. The coins and pieces of paper don’t have any value in and of themselves. They have value because we say they do, and because everyone agrees. We give it in exchange for things and services.

Money makes it easier for us than if we had to exchange actual stuff for everything. This is the barter or trade system. It works well if you want chickens and your client wants to trade you her chickens for your services. It breaks down when you don’t want chickens and that’s all she has to barter with. (You also don’t want to have to take her chickens, then trade them for something else you really do want, because you have no place to keep chickens in the meantime.)

If you got chickens for your services, would the chickens then be “the root of all evil?” Of course not.

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Are You Boring?

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Are You Boring?

I can’t tell you how often I see this with clients! Many of us mistakenly believe that in order to sound professional, we have to be serious, careful and calm. Actually, you’re being boring! Learn to relax, play and have fun. You’ll engage your audiences, communicate much more clearly, and get WAY better results!Continue Reading

Enthrall Your Listeners

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Enthrall Your Listeners: How the heck do you keep your audience engaged when delivering a talk or presentation? One of the best ways is to use vocal variety (like adding character voices to your presentations). Watch this video and see how to bring your talk to life.Continue Reading