I was in a coaching program for a while with “Fearless” in the title. I learned a lot, but I didn’t become fearless.

Lots of people out there want to teach you how to become Fearless!! – to banish fear, to get rid of it, to stop it – because fear is BAD. Fear is negative, and we can’t have any negativity in our lives if we want to succeed. Or so the story goes.

The truth is, it’s not actually a good thing to get rid of fear.

There are 3 pieces of this.

One: Fear is actually a very valuable thing that tells us something is wrong, or could go badly wrong. Sometimes it is necessary to survival. That fear you feel when you’re thinking about whether to get into an elevator with a shifty-eyed, bad-energy-pouring-off-him guy is a good thing. It says, “Danger! Don’t go in there!”

Two: Making the automatic judgment that fear is negative usually misses the point.

Three: Anything we try to get rid of from within ourselves will bite back, hard.

All of the so-called “negative” emotions have potential benefits, hold important messages from your inner self, and are probably showing up for some positive reason, even if it’s coming out of an old mental habit developed in childhood that doesn’t apply anymore. (That habit had a positive reason it appeared in the first place – to protect us, to help us survive something in some way, etc.)

How many people do you know who grew up in a household where anger wasn’t okay to express? How many of them have a REALLY hard time standing up for themselves? Right. All of them are really good doormats. (Unless they’ve done the work to get past that conditioning.)

You’re not capable of being a full, authentic, wholly expressed human being without ALL of the emotions.

Stop thinking of the emotions you don’t like as “negative.” You need to hear the messages and lessons they have for you. You need to feel them and honor them. Stuffing them down will make you sick and dysfunctional. (That’s how I lost my singing voice.) You can’t heal what you can’t feel, and all that.

The trick is not getting stuck in them. Part of my journey has been learning to really feel my feelings, giving them my full attention, so they can move through, then moving them through.

The miracle is, when I really FEEL my feelings, honor them, ask for the message I need to hear, and move them through, I don’t end up dumping them all over anyone else indiscriminately. (The more you stuff, the more you dump.)

This is part of the work I do with clients that I really enjoy – giving those emotions a voice again!

What happens when the fear is not about the creepy guy in the elevator, but about our creative expression or our work in the world? About getting ourselves out there? About talking with someone about a difficult issue?

That kind of fear comes from our wounded-child-protector-part(s) usually. If you try to get rid of this part, it will sabotage you. If you stuff it down, it will bite you in the face when you least expect it. What to do? Honor and love the fearful part, but don’t let it run the show. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

I had the delight and honor of hearing Elizabeth Gilbert speak in Santa Cruz recently.

I love what she says about this kind of fear in her new book, “Big Magic,” (in which she also says the only fearless people she knows are straight-up sociopaths, or extremely reckless 3-year-olds).

“Dearest Fear: Creativity and I are about to go on a road trip together. I understand you’ll be joining us, because you always do. I acknowledge that you believe you have an important job to do in my life, and that you take your job seriously. Apparently your job is to induce complete panic whenever I am about to do anything interesting — and, may I say, you are superb at your job. So by all means, keep doing your job, if you feel you must. But I will also be doing my job on this road trip, which is to work hard and stay focused. And Creativity will be doing its job, which is to remain stimulating and inspiring. There’s plenty of room in this vehicle for all of us, so make yourself at home, but understand this. Creativity and I are the only ones who will be making any decisions along the way. I recognize and respect that you are part of this family, and so I will never exclude you from our activities, but still — your suggestions will never be followed. You’re allowed to have a seat, and you’re allowed to have a voice, but you are not allowed to have a vote. You’re not allowed to touch the road maps, you’re not allowed to suggest detours, you’re not allowed to fiddle with the temperature. Dude, you’re not even allowed to touch the radio. But above all else, my dear old familiar friend, you are absolutely forbidden to drive.”

So, when it comes to speaking up and speaking out in your authentic voice, don’t strive to become “Fearless !!” Honor and appreciate your Fear as a very human part of you. Treat it with humor and compassion. Just don’t let it stop your voice, or drive the car (unless it’s getting you the hell out of a truly life-threatening situation).

I’d love to help you do that!
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Client Rave:  “Ariana, thank you for being my guiding light, my beam of hope for speaking with power, authority and confidence, and for helping me unblock my greatness. You are SO multi-talented, and I’d recommend you to everyone!” – Josephine Hanan

If you ‘d like to talk with me about the possibilities of working together, book a Voice Your Value Breakthrough Session! My treat. We’ll explore how to empower your authentic voice, reclaim parts of yourself that have been shushed and silenced, craft your compelling story, and brainstorm opportunities for business and personal growth, so you can step into YOUR greatness.