I’ve seen a lot of articles recently on women’s speech. Some of them address ways of speaking that are disempowering, weaken leadership, or are self-sabotaging, and the authors encourage women to speak more directly and powerfully.

Others point out that women’s voices get criticized MUCH more than men’s. You can find gazillions of articles recommending that women change their speech patterns, and almost none that do the same for men. And if you are a woman who is broadcasting or podcasting, you can be criticized for the same kind of speech by different people in opposite ways.

In other words, we can’t win. Fair point.

One woman claimed that ANY criticism of her “uptalk” speech habit was just misogynistic, because uptalk is “feminine speech.” (Uptalk is the habit of raising the pitch at the end of every statement as if it were a question.) Another author agreed, and basically said women should speak however they want and everyone should just STFU.

I hear you. It’s true that women’s voices are criticized when and where men’s would not be, and are often criticized unjustly. So, am I a woman-hater because I work to change self-sabotaging habits of speech and empower women to speak with power and confidence? Should I just STFU?

Not on your life. Dear ones, here’s one thing I know: There is no such thing as “feminine speech.”

So don’t try to tell me that your “uptalk” or “vocal fry” is feminine speech. It’s YOUR HABIT OF SPEECH – that’s all. I don’t talk that way, nor do most of the women I know. Would you tell us that we’re not “feminine” because we don’t talk that way? I don’t think so.

I know women (and men) who speak in all kinds of different ways. Some women speak in a more “masculine” style – more direct and forceful. Some men speak in a more “feminine” style – softer and gentler.

I’m using quotation marks around “masculine” and “feminine” because these speech styles are not actually gender specific. Think about it. You know plenty of people whose speech doesn’t fit a traditionally “masculine” or “feminine” pattern. We need to get OUT of these pigeonholes, not burrow further into them.

Some men even use uptalk and vocal fry – and it’s just as disempowering for them as it is for women.

We ALL use different voices all the time. We talk a certain way at home with our loved ones. We use a stern voice to correct our dogs and kids. We yell to be heard by someone in the other room, or when we’re angry. We use baby talk for babies and pets. We talk to our bosses in a different way than we talk to our colleagues or those we manage. We let loose with our special friends.

Yet, we have certain habits of speech – I call them voice stories – that overlay all of our voices and keep us from expressing the full range of ourselves in all of the ways and voices we are capable of.

And I can tell you from my work with hundreds of women that when they learn to bust out of their habits of speech, their lives open up dramatically – especially when the habits of speech have been disempowering ones. Frankly, any voice habit that holds you back from expressing all of who you are is a disempowering one.

And, sorry, you don’t get to claim that we should all just STFU and let you use disempowering and potentially injurious habits of speech that are holding you back.

As I wrote in my recent article, “Are You Authentic?” your normal voice is NOT your whole, authentic voice. It’s only part of your voice – the part you have an unconscious habit of using all the time.

So what are disempowering and/or injurious habits of speech? Why are they disempowering rather than just “feminine?”

Read Part 2 of this blog next week to find out.

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A client rave: “Now I can choose how to speak. I have options! You dispelled my idea that there was A REGISTER, and RANGE I needed to be in my voice. I learned that all of it is mine. All of those nuances are part of me – my variety, my spice, my uniqueness. I can bring all of it. I have access to all of my voice. You brought a lot of stuff out of me that I normally wouldn’t talk about, and I saw how those old stories were holding me back. The more real I am, the more love I get. My power is diluted when using my learned, ‘corporate and controlled voice.’ “ – Stone Love

I’d love to support YOU in getting all the juicy benefits of speaking in your authentic voice. Let’s talk!

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Client Rave:  “Ariana, thank you for being my guiding light, my beam of hope for speaking with power, authority and confidence, and for helping me unblock my greatness. You are SO multi-talented, and I’d recommend you to everyone!” – Josephine Hanan

If you ‘d like to talk with me about the possibilities of working together, book a Voice Your Value Breakthrough Session! My treat. We’ll explore how to empower your authentic voice, reclaim parts of yourself that have been shushed and silenced, craft your compelling story, and brainstorm opportunities for business and personal growth, so you can step into YOUR greatness.